Graeme: Hi Chris, you have a new account. Your username is chriseng and your temporary password is forestocelot.

Me: I want my new pen name to be “Forest Ocelot”. It sounds like a character from Metal Gear Solid… a character who sneakily eats a lot of Doritos and covertly watches Buffy from inside his blanket fort.

Graeme: That sounds like the best activity. I loved the cardboard box suit in that game. ‘oh, don’t mind me, i’m just a cardboard box someone left here’

I can totally imagine the game controls too. Like you have two views, one is ‘fort view’ where you have a little /\ slot to peek through and you have to use some combination of index finger paddles to strafe and zoom, and analog joystick to view the screen, and if you stay in the same position for too long then your arm starts to hurt so it glows red on the little body of the man on the top left corner of the screen, and if it gets too sore then your view starts to waaver and you collapse, so you have to shift from one arm-lean to the other all while keeping your view zoomed in on the television. while you covertly watch buffy, you have to zoom in untill you can see the relevant action on the tv, and a counter starts to run on the bottom of your screen indicating how long you’ve watched for, but you loose points for watching commercials, so you have to quickly not look at the tv, and guess how long the commerials are gonna be, and eat as many doritos as you can. but here’s the catch, you run out of doritos halfway through the first commercial, and so you have to_leave_ the blanket fort, but you don’t want to, so you have to sneak out of the fort, and make your way to your backpack (doritos are not in the kitchen, that is stupid, who keeps doritos in the kitchen). and make it back before the commercials are over. So it switches to godview perspective, and you’re limping because your leg went asleep.

.. yah, forest ocelot. totally best videogame charater ever.